red.

lets think about this logically. no. that's it. just no. what if you have to cut people out? do it? maybe? i don't know. i love my family. i have no respect for people who hide, run, or pretend. i can't do the same. i'm marrying a man... that makes me smile. but this doesn't. i like when it snows. the snow and the rain over manhattan is so cleansing. it's amazing. it's fresh, it's new. but i'm home. i'm in jersey where you can see all the stars, orion's belt and the lunar eclipse. that's right. i came home in perfect time, not only to celebrate Isis's birthday, but to see the lunar eclipse. it was red. ahh the color red. i love it. it's amazing. i like red. i like red things, but not too many. red walls are fun, but too much for me. i like red. passion. lust. sex. hmmm. i want it. it will happen. why rush things? there is no point. yea, i miss it. but i can wait. waiting is good. patience is good. self control is good. i like good. good sucks sometimes. but it's good. i want to live a good life. hell i live a great life. i have so much. my cat is on my lap. she loves me a lot and she is purring. i'm not even tired. but my tummy is full and i had an egg today. i made it with maple syrup and a little nori, of course. otherwise i'd go crazy. well, not really. only if it were an everyday thing. ahh balance. balance is good. maybe i need it right now. not balance. sex. oh cecilia i'm begging you please to come home. what? okay well america is in debt guys, hello?? we have no money. i love new york. penny is purring. i miss her while i'm at school. olive is great. but crazy. penny calms me down. ooh the nickel. Five cents. hmmm... i like them when they are clean and shiny. shiny is nice. just like the engagement ring i want to get for my future husband. i like pretty dudes. so red. hmmm... passion. intensity. blood. pain. love. sex. so about that time. i got sick and came home. i needed it. i came home. i needed to see the lunar eclipse and to stand outside in the snow. i needed it. i danced in the snow and sang songs in my head and tasted crystallized water in my mouth. oh the lunar eclipse. it was red. it's time for something new. it's the end of the winter. the beginning of the spring. time for rebirth. just like the phoenix. oh remember red? fire. forgot to mention that one. i have a lot of water. lots of it, i'm an emotional well. a well of water. that's probably why i like fire so much. opposites attract. balance perhaps? okay, i keep talking. but remember i want new. so new it is. white again? it's clean again. brown rice again. and root vegetable soup again. i need a week at the kushi institute. talk to michio. what you do in life matters. i just heard that on a commercial, so i typed it. whoa. right now there are a lot of things hitting me. my cats tail. the light from my computer. the light from the tv. my mom's brain waves. my cat's brainwaves. and electronic waves from the tv and my computer. lets get back on track. something new zachary. something new! no, i lied. not something new. yes, a new start. that's it a start button. i exhausted myself. i love working though! i worked way too much. RENT is in the back of my head. ahhh... even worse, it's in RED. i like red though. it's sexy. i like sexy. i need more sexy in my life. maybe that's what should be new. new and sexy. a new and sexy spring. a new and sexy lab coat. a new and sexy organic chemistry book. because that is what i should be reading right now. so lets start something new. i am going to read a new chapter in organic chemistry.

the gas law

so it's march. it's almost the spring time. i don't like capitolizing my i's because i like the dot. i know it's grammatically incorrect, and i don't write like that. i just like the way it looks on the computer screen. dots. i am noticing phases. i don't like phases or cycles. i mean i guess they are important, but i hate complacency. i think i need some cycles in my life. i guess i have them. not cycles, patterns. i need patterns. i like patterns. i like breaking patterns. no i don't. haha. i can't stay up past midnight. besides that.. i don't know what i am talking about. i have been feeling a lot of pressure. PV=nRT. pressure and volume are directly proportionate and the more i fill my capacity, the more pressure i build. i went home. but it didn't help. ahh. i'm cutting people out. i have too. there's just no room. i don't have the patience anymore. i miss my cousin. i miss hanging out with her all the time. i want best friends. not seasonal friends. it's my fault. i keep everyone at a distance. i know that, but it's hard. talk about trust issues. hmmm. i like rice. i just want rice in my life all the time. brown rice and lots of perfectly cooked vegetables. and i like dirt. i want central park dirt and grass and i want to feel it between my toes. yum. and to dance. i am dancing. i like dancing. i've always liked dancing. i want to dance and feel the grass between my feet. i am ready for the spring. the spring solstice. ahh. vetta. and bugs. i don't like itchy bugs. but i like pretty insects and butterflies. and worms.